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14th June 2022 


Today I wanted to release this website. 

It was a deadline I gave to myself.

It's not done yet so I start by sharing it

with a precious few,

like you.

Actually, I  wanted to launch it. 

This is the word I have been using.

Launch. . .

When I think of how the word launching makes me feel, I see an army of men in suits waiting for me to rocket like a bullet through the air.  There is a lot of  force and pushing and everything now.


I don't like it when I arrive at this state and way of working.

I get so focused on coming,

out of fear that otherwise,

I may not come. 

Otherwise it may not happen.

I might not deliver.

I might not give what I love priority.  

Someone else might even come before me and then I will be alone in a corner, not-coming.


"Ladies and gentlemen welcome,

to the not-coming corner" 


 Today I am choosing to postpone my orgasm and allow a more profound pleasure from this website.

I choose to remember the many-a-beautiful times when I kept breathing so that an orgasm could find me and flow in tears, laughter and God's juice.



Loved ones, I have been enjoying this process immensely. Selecting images, reminiscing about works, finding a pulse in ideas that I thought were dead, releasing work relationships that were not serving me and forming others, finding love for words again, dreaming up courageous nude futures 


I have also written a personal prayer,

which you may read, 

(and repeat in your heart should you wish)

- I trust you -

I trust you will water me,

that you will not forget me.

I trust you will give me attention. 

I trust that that you will make time to continue giving life to me at your own pace.

I release you from living in a rhythm where the minute's working overtime. 🎶

An eventual birth will occur, naturally, without injections to get the birth going.


And if you do forget me, 

for sometimes,

 life is too hard cause the cat dies, 

try sing yourself back,

or listen to someone singing,

so you may remember your own song.

I dedicate all these words to Marijn de Langen whose presence penetrates my soul and soil.

Who opens me back to tenderness so I may be free. Who reminds me that, yes, it makes sense that I desire to be an artist doing projects while also having energy for other things like my partner, my father, my mother, cooking, partying, yoga, sex, meditation etc...

It's about listening again and again to the how.

But now,

Por favor! 

Come into my unfinished website.

Entre ici mon chérie

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